Standing Out in the Rain with Joan Rivers

(Note: There are what some would consider spoilers in this movie review. So if you want to see the movie completely "unspoiled," don't read any further!)

With my 100-calorie white cheddar popcorn bags safely tucked away in my purse, I was finally on my way to see the new documentary, Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work. I knew that if I didn't sneak in a quasi-healthy snack option with me I would either cave and buy the movie theater hypertension-in-a-bucket popcorn with extra squirts of buttery flavored cholesterol or I would sit there miserable listening to the torturous sounds of everyone else blissfully munching away.

The theater was filled with innocent-looking grey-haired ladies wearing cluster rings on their fingers and cardigan sweaters draped over their shoulders. But looks can be deceiving. Those little old ladies might be sweet, pie-baking grandmas, but by the sounds of their giggling and guffawing, they loved a raunchy Joan Rivers' vagina joke just as much as the gaggle of gay men sitting two rows down from me.

After approximately twenty seven previews and commercials, the movie opened with an extreme close-up of Joan getting her makeup on. Joan baring her naked face--flaws and all--set the tone for the entire movie.

Although Joan is innately funny, she stresses how hard she works to create her seemingly off-the-cuff humor. Jokes don't write themselves and she doesn't have a team of writers working for her. Never comfortable resting on her laurels, she is constantly writing new material and trying it out every week in a hole-in-the-wall New York comedy club. And every joke Joan has ever written is typed up and literally filed away in a card catalogue organized by topic. You never know when you might need to find a prostitute joke in a hurry!

Like Liberace, Joan lives in a gilded, glittering palace … or as she puts it, how Marie Antoinette would've lived if she had money. Gaudy? Yes. But could you picture Joan living in a three-bedroom, two-bath brick ranch-style house decorated with Rooms-To-Go furniture? I think not. Joan says that working her ass off to support her lavish lifestyle is worth it to her since she loves her "creature comforts." Not mention that she's also supporting a large staff, her charities, family members, and she even pays to send some of her employees' kids to private school. That's a heavy load for such a tiny lady to carry.

Joan also claims to have a deep-seated need to constantly work in order to feel fulfilled, loved, and valued as a person. She will not turn down any paying job no matter where it is or how undignified the work might be. Her biggest fear is an empty date book.

Joan is keenly aware that she has become the butt of plastic surgery jokes. And while I understand her critics, at least Joan freely admits to it! Just in home shopping land alone, there is a plethora of nipped, tucked, sucked, and injected hosts and spokespeople who refuse to admit that anything other than a magic potion (which is available for 5 easy payments of $19.99, by the way)  melted the years away. No man has ever told Joan that she was beautiful. Apparently that insecurity coupled with the pressures of show business have fueled her fetish.

But all the plastic surgery can't stop the sands of time from slipping away. The older you get, the people in your life who can remember the big milestones and the silly inside jokes begin to dwindle until no one is left. Sharing your memories keeps the people you love and the memories you cherish alive in your heart and at seventy-five, Joan is finding that there just isn't anyone left anymore who can "remember when …" with her.

Unfortunately for me, the documentary didn't focus much on Joan's jewelry line or her QVC visits. I was hoping for some interesting behind-the-scenes tidbits. Honestly, what would QVC be today if it weren't for Joan Rivers?

I will not call her an icon, a trailblazer, or a mentor since that would only piss her off. I will say that she is a brilliant comedy writer and performer who has made her own luck through a helluva a lot of hard work and perseverance.

Lightning might not strike often, but--as Joan would advise--if you want to get hit, you gotta stand out in the rain.

Get Out the Door with Mommy Makeup

Have you ever tried to apply eyeliner with one baby screaming in the crib and the other frantically climbing up your leg?

After becoming a mom, New York City makeup artist Debra Rubin-Roberts realized that if she ever hoped to wear makeup again, she was going to have to re-think her entire makeup routine. Debra simplified the process by cutting out as many time-consuming steps as possible and focusing on a few multi-tasking products. She is also debuting her Mommy Makeup collection on ShopNBC this month. And that’s where I come in! This is Queen Bea’s review of Mommy Makeup’s “Out the Door Kit”:

What’s in the kit?

Mineral Dual Powder with SPF 15 in Lullaby

Small Kabuki Brush

Any Wear Crème in Twinkle

Just so you know where I’m coming from, I have very dry, sensitive, roseacea-prone skin--sounds lovely, doesn’t it? Anyway, since the makeup did not cause a rosacea flare up, I was able to give it a good trial run before I reviewed it.

The Mineral Dual Powder is a pressed mineral makeup. Unlike other mineral makeups, this one is in a compact instead of loose in a jar, so it’s not as messy. Per the instructions, I used the kabuki brush to buff the makeup all over my face. The kabuki brush picked up the product nicely and the bristles did not fall out like some others I have tried. There is also a foam pad included in the compact, but I don't recommend using that. The coverage is sheer, but buildable. However, I found it easier to add extra coverage to red areas first using my own small flat brush for application, allowing me to use less makeup on the rest of my face. The finish is not matte, but more luminescent and I did not notice the makeup settling into fine lines. I also checked the side of my nose, where my pores are the worst, and there wasn't any of that horrible “swiss cheese” look that some makeups cause.

The Any Wear Crème comes in a teeny, tiny jar, but that little jar will probably last forever. This product is extremely thick and pigment dense—trust me, you do not need much! The consistency is very similar to gel eyeliners. The idea of Any Wear is that you can use it anywhere—eye shadow, blush, and lips. The Twinkle color is a nude bronze with sparkle. If you don’t like sparkle, this is not for you. Honestly, with a name like Twinkle, what do you expect?

As eye shadow - Application is simple; you just smear a little on your eyelid with your finger. Depending on how much you use, the coverage can be completely sheer or opaque. However, I felt like I had to let my finger sit in the pot for a few seconds in order for the product melt a little. Probably a makeup brush would have helped to get the product out more easily. Once I got it on my lids, the eye shadow did not budge all day. In fact, I passed out and slept in it (don’t judge!) and it was still there in the morning. The next day, using my own brush, I decided to try it as an eyeliner. Once again, it went on smooth and lasted all day.

As a blush – Because this product is so dense and my skin is so sensitive, I had trouble spreading the Any Wear Crème on my skin without causing my cheeks to get all red and blotchy. You do have to work to spread it around evenly. On a positive note, I did like the highlight it gave my cheekbone.

As a lipstick - The first time I put this on as lipstick, I applied waaaay too much and my lips looked horrible! The next time I tried it, I just dabbed on just a tiny amount with my finger. Apparently, that's all you need. My lips looked so much better. They were a very subtle nude color, but due to the matte finish, I thought it looked best with just a little soft gloss on top. Keep in mind that Any Wear doesn't have the same staying power as a lip product as it does as an eye shadow and a blush.

Overall, the Mommy Makeup “Out the Door” kit gives you a very understated but iridescent look in not much time. If you hate sparkle, this probably isn't for you--not that I looked like a thirteen-year-old going to a Justin Bieber concert or anything! With the addition of some gloss and mascara, the “Out the Door Collection” could actually get you out the door quickly.

Mommy Makeup will debut on ShopNBC 5/20/10 at 11 a.m. and 7 p.m. EDT.

You can find Mommy Makeup:
Website: http://www.mommymakeup.com/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/mommymakeup
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Mommy-Makeup/86786773230
You Tube: http://www.youtube.com/user/MommyMakeup
ShopNBC: http://www.shopnbc.com/

This product was provided for the purpose of review.

A Royal Mess!

This is my Michael Jackson Beat It purse:



I normally carry a suitcase-sized handbag, but I found this one on clearance at Target for about $7 and thought I would use it for a while as a much needed "pop of red." It was the cute polka dot lining that sold me (QB *hearts* cute lining). Check it out:





Notice the big mess in there? Yeah, I know. I might be a self-proclaimed Queen, but I'm also a royal mess! Let's dump out all the contents, shall, we?




EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!! I need help! It just so happens that an anonymous carrier pigeon dropped off the new TSV Lori Greiner Purse Organizer at my door. How convenient!




Look, it even separates out like those cute Russian dolls:



Will it work?

I couldn't use the the outermost part because it was waaay to large for my purse. But I think it'll work well in my bathroom for random toiletries. Anyway, I managed to get my brush, mints, pens, glasses, keys, phone, nail file, and money into the remaining pieces. I also kept my big wallet (which also has cute lining, thank you very much) with the pepper spray attached for all the usual wallet stuff.





The whole thing fit into my purse nicely and I just had to set the wallet on top. BTW, the random papers you see in the big pile of royal purse crap are now folded nicely and tucked into the zipper compartment of my purse. I did throw some of them away. Somehow i had managed to collect about five different grocery lists and receipts from every gas station visit and coffee I've purchased in the last year!








So will my new found organization last? I don't know. I like to be organized, but I have a hard time staying that way.

Sensa Sprinkles First Impressions

In the starter kit box, you get two containers of sprinkles, each with a salty side and a sweet side (like combo salt and pepper shakers), and a DVD.

The DVD is mostly a commercial for the sprinkles and an explanation of how they work. Basically, from what I understand, most of what we think of as taste is really smell--its just smell through the back of the mouth instead of through the nose.

This all started when they noticed that people who lost their ability to smell tended to gain weight, probably because they were eating more just trying to taste something. The idea with the sprinkles is that you’ll taste (smell) more, so you’ll have the urge to eat less and eventually lose weight.

I also learned that not all sprinkles are the same. There are different sprinkles for each of the six months. Changing up the smells is part of it I guess. Not all sprinkles are created equal, chickadees!

Also, in their studies, women tended to lose more weight a few months into it while the men just dropped a bunch right away. Typical. This is why The Biggest Loser will never be fair!

I thought the salty sprinkles smelled a little horseradishy, my son thought they smelled like pizza, and my husband thought they smelled gross (but he hates horseradish). The sweet sprinkles smelled like strawberries to me, good to my son, and like cotton candy to my husband. He really liked the sweet ones! I’m going to have my pregnant friend use her super smelling ability to give me her opinion too. You know how your sense of smell goes nuts when you’re preggers!

You aren’t supposed to be able to taste the sprinkles once they are on your food. And I haven’t tasted anything with the salty ones. I have tasted something with the sweet ones, although not unpleasant.

Maybe I’m just using too many sprinkles. I don’t know. I’m still not exactly sure how much to sprinkle. You’re supposed to try to coat your food, but that’s easier said than done sometimes. Think about sprinkling a granola bar, or a handful of peanuts, or chips and salsa--not always sure if I’m coating the food or coating my plate.

And it’s also difficult to gauge how much is coming out of the container since they don’t have any weight to them. The little white sprinkles show up better on some foods than others. I’m hoping I’ll start to get a feel for it the more I do it.

As to how it works … well, so far it does. The best way I have to explain it is that it’s like eating something you really like that has too much salt on it. No matter how much you like it, or how hungry you are, you just can’t eat tons of it. Eventually it’s just too much.

Another thing I noticed is that even when I’m hungry, nothing sounds good. I was having trouble finding something I wanted to eat this past weekend because everything just sounded *meh*. Maybe that’s just me being hormonal or something though. I’m sure I’ll figure it out after I’ve been doing this a while.

And remembering to use the sprinkles isn’t always easy either. I’m hoping that it just becomes second nature soon.

So there you go, chickadees! That’s my impression after two days of using Sensa. I’m sure my opinions will evolve the more I get into it.

Girls' Night = Train Wreck

After having to make an apology about Tacori, Queen Bea needs an ego boost. I just want to say "I told you so!" about the Girl's Night show on QVC. I believe my exact words of warning were : "The View on crack."

Too many clucking chickens! Baaaaaaaaad idea. Cackling, laughing, steam rolling over each other (it was beyond talking over!), and talk of wieners and bras??? I don't even want to know.

Hopefully the sales weren't good so the won't do it again.

I did enjoy watching Kathy Levine again. Still no word on her new home decor line.

Queen Bea Eats Crow ... the Tacori Harlequin Ring Rocks!

So, I was complaining recently about how Tacori always lets me down, but that I just keep coming back for more. I also might have called their new stuff duds. I humbly say that I was wrong. I know the Harlequin ring isn't completely new (like the Crescent stuff), but it's new-ish and it is gorgeous!

It's detailed, designer, weighty, believable, and has a full under gallery (so it's comfortable!). I went up a size and I'm glad I did. Fits perfectly. Highly, highly recommend. However, it is a little thick, so if feeling the ring in between your fingers bothers you, then this isn't the ring for you.

And if you haven't already, read about that naughty Paul Tacorian! :-)