Saturday, March 8, 2014
If you listen to any home shopping host long enough, you will discover that they live lives full of problems and obstacles that we mere mortals could never fully grasp.
1) Casual acquaintances frequently show up unannounced at their houses demanding thoughtful gifts from their well-stocked gift closets.
2) On their days off, hosts are forced against their will to shop in upscale designer retail stores and be utterly shocked--shocked, I tell you!--by the high prices, sub-par quality, and limited selection.
3) That random person who popped by unexpectedly is now demanding that the host whip up a gourmet meal in minutes!
4) Due to moaning, groaning, eye rolling, lip smacking, and spontaneous dancing with each and every bite, hosts are rarely able to finish a meal before it gets cold.
5) Every day, hosts hawk miracle products that literally changed their lives; but, years later, they are still hosts who hawk stuff.
6) Because their inconsiderate friends are always springing formal events on them at the last possible moment, hosts need amazing, amazing accessories to take their wardrobe staples from day to night in a snap.
7) Hosts overheat easily! They frequently "melt the phone lines down," and, by law, they are only allowed to use flameless candles unless supervised by a trained producer.
8) Perpetually upset that they have so little time to spend with their families, hosts spend all their free time relentlessly hunting for the best time-saving devices.
9) Close friends of hosts are cursed! They seem to be afflicted with an endless stream of embarrassing hair loss, stinky poop and saggy boobs. Although host are able to repeatedly broadcast their woes, they lack the ability actually help them.
10) It takes hosts forever to get through the grocery store checkout line since they are compelled to congratulate all the other customers on each of their purchases.
11) Unless hosts develop quick reflexes, they suffer traumatic head injuries from all those products that are literally "flying out the door!"
12) Ever fearful that they might "see themselves coming and going," hosts never hang mirrors near doors or in hallways.
13) Hosts are so addicted to gourmet coffee, that they are able to finance anything by just giving up lattes!
Let's be honest, being a home shopping host is a profession fraught with difficulties. I, for one, think that we all need to take the time to be more understanding of their arduous plight.