Monday, March 23, 2009

Helen Keaney Needs a Bathroom Break!

Sadly, when Helen Keaney became an HSN host last summer, she had to hang up her stand-up comedy routine. But last night at the Tampa Improv, she finally got a chance to perform again--this time with some new, spicy material about all the behind-the-scenes shenanigans that goes on at HSN.

Ok, spicy shenanigans might be a bit of wishful embellishment on my part, but a girl can dream. According to Tampa Bay Online, Helen said that she was trying out some new material based on her life as a wife, mother and HSN host.

"It's clean, PG-rated stuff," she says. "I don't play to the rowdy late-night crowd. I'm more for people who can read."

Come on, Helen! I certainly enjoy my fair share of rowdy, late-night, not-PG-rated, dirty stuff and I think I can read. I just prefer my words to be shorter--roughly four letters in length. Any longer and my eyes just start to glaze over.

"I had done stand-up comedy for years, and I found that it was getting hard to travel because I have a 9-year-old daughter," she says. "And I was watching HSN all the time. And I thought it was time I stopped buying."

She says HSN seemed like the perfect place for a shopaholic. And she jokes she had to learn how to stay on air for four hours without a bathroom break.

Maybe this appearance will help Helen with her Wikipedia entry. Wikipedia is trying to give Helen the boot on her biography page do to "notability" issues--that means she's not famous enough. Poor Helen! We need to save the Helen Keaney Wiki Page! How exactly do you go about doing that anyhow?

Here's a clip from Helen doing stand up back when she was in the "3 Blonde Moms" comedy group:

You might have seen Helen on "Short Attention Span Theater," "The John Larroquette Show," "Not Necessarily the News with Dennis Miller," "An Evening at the Improv," "Girl’s Night Out," "VH-1’s “Stand-up Spotlight," "Movies For Guys Who Like Movies," and she can currently be seen hosting "You’re Invited" on the Style Network.

Home shopping hosts are so multi-faceted. Well, some of them are anyway.


  1. Its really unfortunate that this woman takes the beating that she does on that ridiculous bulletin board HSN has, from some of the villagers with their pitchforks. I love the posters that say they can't stand Helen, and have to change the channel every time she's on, but they keep coming back for more, instead of turning off the TV at 3:00am, and trying that wonderful concept called sleep.

    For the record, I've seen her a couple of times, I think she's funny and improving, and anybody who's done standup for a living is a person who cannot fear failure. HSN is a piece of cake compared to watching your jokes tank before an audience.

    But what do I know?...I'm just the 800 pound gorilla in the room.

  2. You're right Hugh! The boards were extremely judgemental about Helen. I think that all new hosts need a while to get their "sea legs." Obviously, some never do, but hosting is a tough gig!

  3. Hey QB!!!....and the HSN BB hits just keep on coming. New host in training Robin Wall made her debut on the overnight, and surely enough there was an attack thread this AM from one of the villagers...with a dig at Helen thrown in for good measure.

    I was watching MORNING JOE on MSNBC about an hour ago, and guest Mike Barnicle said in this country we "always are looking for the next witch to burn".

    Probably the most insightful observation not just about politics, but of our society in general.

  4. thanks for the support guys!! And Queen Bea, come see me at a comedy Club, I promise to get a little spicy for you:0)

  5. Helen, I think you're just great, and have so stated on the HSN board (Queen Celeste). A sense of humor is so very welcome, as well as your lovely take on things. You are a great addition to HSN. Hang in there, and know that many, many of us think you are great fun.

    Sometimes my name comes up as Anon (I'm sadly not very computer savvy, alas) but it's Queen Celeste here as well.

  6. I think Helen does much better with her comedy routine than trying to sell on live tv. It is painful to watch her dragging through her presentations and reminding us over & over how long she's been on ..., as if that excuses the deafening silences that occur. Or reminding all the viewers how long she's gone w/o food. It's a tough job, but don't think for her.

    I asssume her comedy routine must be why she feels the need to keep reminding us she has a daughter. If the remark fits, ok, but sometimes she just throws this out there and I'm left wondering why. Regardless, she still seems like she needs to be put out of her misery. Hope she catches on to her new gig soon.

  7. Helen, are you supposed to be posting on websites like this? If you worked for QVC, you would be in trouble! They are no fun over there, you know.

  8. I enjoy Helan Keaney on HSN very much. I would more likely turn it off if another host came on. She seemed to be a little afraid of Diane Gilman at first. Diane does talk a lot and is entertaining, too.

  9. Helan Keaney on HSN, I think she's doing a great job. Its tough to get going and she needs to stick with it.

  10. Helen Keaney is AWESOME! Pure and Simple! She is the best thing to happen to HSN in ages! Bravo, Helen! And Bravo, Bea! The HomeShoppingQueen is awesome as well!

  11. Helen brags too much and shows off. Lately she's been too giggly and unprofessional. This morning (around 3-4am) Helen even seemed to be drunk on the set! She better be careful before she has to go back to doing stand up full time again.

  12. Helen SUCKS. She can't finish a sentence, says um, like, and you know what I mean nonstop. She acts drunk or like she is on speed or has ADHD. Laughs at her own stupid jokes, thinks she is way prettier and funnier than she actually is. I watch because she is a trainwreck. No idea how this woman emcees.

  13. Helen, get over yourself and prepare for your shows. Stop winging it and please learn how to finish a thought/sentence. The hyper rambling at 2 AM is insane. Worst host in history. YOU SUCK!

  14. Wow! It's so sad to know that we live in a world amongst such cruel, ignorant, UNKIND people! *SMH! Keep on truckin' Helen, & always remember..."Those that matter, don't mind...& those that mind, don't matter!" *wink~~Thanks for the laughs on HSN, I personally find it refreshing! Sincerely, Lisa 'Lee-Lee' :o)

  15. I will take a dozen Helen's over Shannon Smith...any day! Talk about a hard sell...her and her wheezey laugh. Can't watch if she is on.

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