Thank you for all your thoughts, prayers, emails, and messages of support. They mean so much to me. My Grandma's death is hitting me much harder than I ever thought it would. You expect that your grandparents will die before you, so I thought I would be able to handle it, but I am not as strong or stoic as I thought I was.
I've never lost anyone this close to me before and I have never grieved so deeply. I feel like I am physically being turned inside out.
I always notice words and the particular word choices people use when speaking. No one in my family can say out loud that grandma "died," only that she "passed away." There is something so cold and final about the sound of the word "died"--it's starts and ends with a harsh sound, like a door slamming shut. It sounds like the end. "Passed away" is so much softer ... easier on the tongue and the spirit. It floats. It leaves the door cracked open just a bit.
And I never knew simple verbs would be so difficult. Is Grandma an "is" or a "was?" I stop myself no mater which one I use. Does she love daisies or did she? Is that silly moose blanket her favorite or was it? I don't know.
I know this is a little heavy for a home shopping blog, but since you all were kind enough to extend your sympathies, I thought I would take the time to thank you. Grandma would expect no less. Not that she would have a clue what a blog was--she still liked to use rotary phones.
Instead of trying to write about my Grandma, I'm going to post one of her many stories. She was an amazing storyteller and I think you'll get a glimpse of her spirit in her words. I just need to type it up since her handwriting is terrible.
I have no idea what is going on in home shopping land and I don't know when I will be ready to write again. Just be patient with me. I'm sure I'll need an escape soon enough.
Bea
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