Friday, June 5, 2009

Thank You

Thank you for all your thoughts, prayers, emails, and messages of support. They mean so much to me. My Grandma's death is hitting me much harder than I ever thought it would. You expect that your grandparents will die before you, so I thought I would be able to handle it, but I am not as strong or stoic as I thought I was.

I've never lost anyone this close to me before and I have never grieved so deeply. I feel like I am physically being turned inside out.

I always notice words and the particular word choices people use when speaking. No one in my family can say out loud that grandma "died," only that she "passed away." There is something so cold and final about the sound of the word "died"--it's starts and ends with a harsh sound, like a door slamming shut. It sounds like the end. "Passed away" is so much softer ... easier on the tongue and the spirit. It floats. It leaves the door cracked open just a bit.

And I never knew simple verbs would be so difficult. Is Grandma an "is" or a "was?" I stop myself no mater which one I use. Does she love daisies or did she? Is that silly moose blanket her favorite or was it? I don't know.

I know this is a little heavy for a home shopping blog, but since you all were kind enough to extend your sympathies, I thought I would take the time to thank you. Grandma would expect no less. Not that she would have a clue what a blog was--she still liked to use rotary phones.

Instead of trying to write about my Grandma, I'm going to post one of her many stories. She was an amazing storyteller and I think you'll get a glimpse of her spirit in her words. I just need to type it up since her handwriting is terrible.

I have no idea what is going on in home shopping land and I don't know when I will be ready to write again. Just be patient with me. I'm sure I'll need an escape soon enough.

Bea

81 comments:

  1. QB- Its never easy losing those close you. And don't let anyone kid you; it doesn't get easier the older you get. If anything, those losses become more frequent and numerous. The sadness doesn't leave, but it does manage to get buried deeper.Its part of being human; and being human, we always find it in ourselves to go on.

    Those who went before would want that for us...to go on with life.

    I think it would be fantastic to hear your Grandma's stories. It would be a wonderful way to honor her memory...and eventually, those stories will make you smile.

    Stories about and by the oldtimers...that always does it for me.

    Take care...talk to you soon.

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  2. QB - You've experienced the loss of a very special person in your life. You will never forget her and her stories will bring you comfort. It will take time for the healing, but you will go on and her memory will live forever.
    I too, like Hugh, look forward to reading her stories. I love the stories from that generation, as I did my own Grandma.

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  3. Praying for you. My grandmother passed away just a month ago so I feel your pain. I too loved my grandmother and it is absolutely sureal that she is gone!

    Sending much love to you. I would love to hear her stories!

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  4. Dear QB....prayers for you that peace and comfort will come to you and your family. It's very hard when someone that close passes on to their next journey....take your time and rest. I too would love to read her stories...my older sister is a story teller ad I love hearing them just as I would your dear grandmothers...love and hugs....PA

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  5. prayers ascending, sweetie. grandma will always be with you. take all the time you need to mourn this huge loss.

    tara

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  6. Take care and know we are thinking of you. lorim

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  7. CupCaked, saddenedJune 8, 2009 at 9:46 AM

    I've lost a lot of people in my life, many of them when I was young, but I still don't care for the term "died" for just the reasons you stated, Queen Bea. In our local newspaper, they use the term "Passings" for their obit pages, and I find it to be so much more gentle and almost merciful than "Deaths".

    You continue to be in my thoughts as you struggle with your loss, QB.

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  8. I'm very sorry for your loss. My grandmother was very important in my life as well and when she died (almost 10 years ago), I thought I would never recover. It took a long time. My thoughts are with you and your family.

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  9. You express yourself so beautifully. I would love to hear a story of your grandmother's. Don't worry about the shopping world; it will be here waiting for you, as always. Take care, --Q.C.

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  10. Miss you Queen Bea. Take care and come back soon. Debbie

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  11. I have to add my MISS YOU too QB. Hope you are doing well.

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  12. WOW.... what happened to this website????
    Nothing posted in over a month now.
    Used to be a hoppin' place to get the scoop!

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  13. Queen Bea hasn't written her blog since her Grandmother passed. She is probably involved in things away from shopping at the moment. This is her passion, I am sure she will return when she is ready. In the meantime, Queen Bea, our thoughts, and prayers are with you. Hugs, Sophie

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  14. Sorry you had to close down your blog. It will be missed.

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  15. Queen Bea hasn't closed her blog, has she? Hope not!

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  16. Queen Bea, hope you are doing okay. I was thinking about you today, as I'd read that Wes and Pam McCoy may not be returning to SNBC! Or that Wes had been fired. The horror! I've been watching them since 1990 and would dearly miss them.

    I look forward to your insights on this upon your return! All best, Q.C.

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  17. I finally found time to read this site and am saddened to hear that you lost your precious Grandmother...
    May the Lord Bless You and give you the strength and Peace that only He can provide...
    Please do rest, we will all wait for your return when the time is right...

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  18. many many blessings and prayers coming to you, have read often but never commented. You were on my heart today, to come here, stop by and comment now.....I hope today finds you peaceful and content. Every day that doesn't bring what we wish for is replaced at the dawn of the next day....to be grateful for memories and be renewed in the life we have here temporarily on this earth. God is good, and your Grandmother is living life eternal.
    Take care of yourself, and do for you today!!
    You are missed, but I am sure all of your readers respectfully give you this time to reflect.

    many blessings~
    Kelly~

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  19. Can't wait for you to come back! Saw Dave King as Host and Paul D/Judy K as Vendors on SNBC.....missing your comments!

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  20. Looking forward to your return. Miss the gossip and such. Take care.

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  21. My thoughts are with you. I so miss your blog! Joan Rivers was on the past couple of days... said some really funny things. Hope you were able to see it!!

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  22. Hi Queenie. I'm so sorry for your loss. Many of us have been through the same thing. I treasured my Grandmother and miss her all the time. We miss you and hope you will be back soon.

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  23. THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SUSPENDED ACCORDING TO GOOGLE. I WONDERED WHY IT WAS TAKING SO LONG FOR QUEEN BEE TO RETURN.

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  24. Can someone pleae tell me what blog to read now for home shopping news since Thank You. its obvious that Queen Bee isnt comng back? Joey

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  25. I am sorry if this is true about the account being suspended. I love coming here to catch up on all of the shopping news. QB, if you read this, I'll miss you sweetie, take care.♥

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  26. Where do we go to read all the dishing of the shopping hosts ??? I joined just after QB left her blog, but still was coming back & hoping she may return. Help, tell me some sites to check out. Thanks !!!

    cyned

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  27. Shopping channels thread on Television Without Pity (TWoP) forums, in the Non-Fiction and News Shows forum. Will miss this blog!

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  28. Mak, thanks but couldn't find a thing on shopping channel gossip.

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  29. Guys...think about a couple of things. (1)QB asked for her readers to be patient with her, her Grandma's death must have been really traumatic. Years ago I went through a similar thing, it took months for me to start writing again. To be candid, I didn't even touch a computer for weeks- that's not an exaggeration. So just take a deep breath, and give her some space, OK? (2) An anonymous source posted something about QB's account being suspended- and some of you bit. QB's profile is still active and current. As a member of BLOGGER I'll tell you this- the only person who can suspend this blog is QB (or GOOGLE if she has violated TOS- and the very fact that you are reading this message proves THAT IS NOT THE CASE). Her TWITTER account is active, though she did not (as of this writing) answer my last message.

    Bottom line...give her some time....there is no reason to believe she will not be back, but she must be allowed to make the decision when that will be.

    Now...this is a poor substitute, granted, but every once in a while (maybe a couple of times a month) I'll post something regarding home shopping on my blog. Yesterday I noticed some activity by Davinia Palmer indicating that she might be getting ready to re-enter the world of HOME SHOPPING.

    http://tinyurl.com/mjux2s

    (Copy and paste)

    There's a few home shopping related topics among the 500 or so posted. I'll let you know any news I might hear, but its kind of a sidebar for me and not a passion.

    Nobody does it better than Queen Bea...and we all await her return.

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  30. Good golly, you mean you Twittered QB? Why don't take your own advice and leave the woman alone? Me thinks you are here to advertise your own blog. Poor form!

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  31. QB B needs to grow up. I'm sure this isn't what her grand ma would've wanted. SHe's not the first person to lose someone and won't be the last. It's life. It's normal to grieve but you have to move on, and it actually helps if you do so. You never forget the person. She should think about how lucky she was to have had her grand mother in her life for so long, most of us don't get that opportunity. If she doesn't want to do this anymore then she should just say so and not keep everyone hanging. SHe also might want to seek professional help.

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  32. WTH? ^ So very kind of you to spout off like this!

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  33. Well that was very mean and rude.now go vanish!!

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  34. Anonymous July 31, 2:30 PM, I hate for QB to read what you posted. You are being cruel to a lovely lady who takes her time to post a blog so you will be entertained. Go find your own home shopping info. You won't be missed!

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  35. All her readers miss QB's updates & posts. She may or may not come back. Even if she does return, it's best to keep in mind that QB has a full-time job, a family w/ children & lots of other demands upon her time. She can't just live her life around posting a blog for a bunch of strangers. Like anything else, once you stay away from something, it becomes easier to not return to the grind of it. I am sure whatever time she devoted to this blog has easily been filled up w/ other necessities.

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  36. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Can you honestly say, going back to work and getting busy after a time of mourning isn't the best medicine and the best way to honor your loved one? Do you really think her grandmother would have wanted her to stop doing what she obviously enjoyed? You guys can say I'm cruel, but think, how is she getting any better this way? She needs to get busy and talk to the friends she has on her site. Believe me, if you want spouting off I can spout off, and what I wrote isn't spouting off. She is a lovely lady, I've emailed back and forth with her quite a few times, but I have a right to my opinion, just like anyone does and none of you have the right to bitch at me for expressing mine if it differs from yours. I don't feel that abandoning her site and all the people who are here for her is good for her personally or professionally. With people asking all these questions about where she is, if she's reading her site, don't you think that after an almost 2 month hiatus she could at least write a post to let everyone know she's ok?

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  37. You SUCK August 1, 1:21^!!!!!!!!!!!

    She doesn't need your analysis, are you a doctor by any chance? NO!!!! LOL LOL

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  38. The "anonymous" that stoops to telling someone else they suck, is really showing their lack of class. Anyway, It would be nice to know if QB is ok, and if she has decided she no longer wishes to do this blog it would be nice to know. It's her choice. Either way, I don't think she'd approve of the insults to each other. No matter what, everyone just wants what's best for her.

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  39. Do you think you're a comedian Aug 1,1:45!!!!!!
    Am I a Dr???? As a matter of fact--I just so happen to be---with an actual degree. What qualifies you??????? Take your LOL's and shove them!!!

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  40. ROTFLMAO, Dr. of Shopology. Shove that. LOL LOL LOL.

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  41. Queen Bea I miss you and your comments. I was in the QVC outlet in Rehobeth today and thought about you! Hope you are doing well.

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  42. Here's what "google" is reporting:

    This Account Has Been Suspended. Please contact the Billing/Support Department as soon as possible.

    Dah! She's not coming back anytime soon and she never bother to tell her followers. Real nice!

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  43. I'm sorry but I would have to agree with the poster that said it's time to move on. I mean I have lost all 4 grandparents and they are just that GRANDPARENTS!! I grieved and I moved on. Now if it were my PARENTS that would be a different story. I just don't think something is right there that someone would take off 3 months over a grandmother. JMO.

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  44. I googled "Queen Bea" and it says her account has been SUSPENDED. That's what has happened. But, since we are able to post, surely Queen Bea can post something here and tell us if she intendeds to take her blog out of suspension. Well?

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  45. With all the posts of concern, I'm starting to wonder if QB has even checked in and read any of these postings at all. There was another time not long before she lost her grandmother she didn't post for about two weeks, and then afterwards she mentioned she had been on vacation. It would've been polite if she had given us a heads up then. She did with her grandmother, but I kinda wonder if everything was getting to be too much even then to keep up with. Maybe this was her out.....

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  46. Now if we can only discover where she was getting all of her info she posted.
    That would kind of help with the withdrawal symptoms of not having any news in months. The only site that was suggested is of no help. Is there some sort of database or indexing system? How did she gather so much info? Inquiring minds want to know.

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  47. For those of us that need some sort of fix. I found a way to get a little bit of new from the home shopping networks.

    Just:

    Go to "goole" your handy dandy search engine. Make sure you use the "google news" button/catagory. Then type in "home shopping networks" and voila, you will see the latest happenings. Might not be all of what you want to see but there is a ton of inside news. I see that Fran Dresher is going to have her own skincare line.

    Hope this helps eveyone! :)

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  48. Sorry, my keyboard is acting up. Use "Google" search.

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  49. I have to laugh at these people that are bashing her. Bunch of coward anonymous morons! And who says she's not posting on her blog because she lost her grandmother? MAYBE it has nothing to do with it at all!

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  50. Seems to me you are the one that is included in the bashing by calling people "coward anonymous morons". You are right though, she's not posting and it's because her account has been suspended.

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  51. I agree Michelle. I hate for QB to read some of this junk the *kitchen table counselors* are posting.

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  52. You guys are good. "Coward anonymous morons",kitchen table counselors" how about "pots that call the kettle black". Yes, that's my response to both of you. QB split, without a word to her fellow followers. Get it, she doesn't care any longer.

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  53. There there, not to worry. There's lots of shopping network gossip out there and someone will come along and ease your addiction to it by posting tidbits somewhere. You just have to go and look for it yourselves, you whiny bunch of cry babies. Boo Hoo Hoo. Be thankful QB did it for as long as she has. I wouldn't lift a finger(maybe one finger, you know which one) to post to you disloyal, backstabbing bunch of whiners.

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  54. didn't get enough sleep?so grumpy!!!!

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  55. I guess it's time to remove this one from my Favorites. I was a regular reader and was eagerly awating QB's comeback. I would think after all this time and all the well wishes we sent to her she could at least let us know she doesn't want to do this anymore. Oh well, nothing good lasts forever.

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  56. She let her account go into suspension.

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  58. Hey!!! Lay off bad mouthing QB!!!! You all loved her until she didn't come back at your convenience!!!! You never know what may have happened to her so give her a break FHS!

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  59. Karma's a bitch...

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  60. I know Karma, she's not a bitch. She's a very nice lady.

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  61. Miss you, QB! I check in every week or so because this is my favorite place for home shoppnig gossip.

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  62. QB, we miss you!! Please come back litte Sheba. We,your subjects; await your return with open arms.In all seriousness, we truly miss you dear.

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  63. Hey Queen Bea! I'm thinking of you! I hope you are doing wonderfully well!

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  64. A little hello from Nouméa just for you Bea.
    We all at one time or another lose somebody dear and it's our pivilege to keep them alive in our everyday life, thinking and talking about them

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  65. I guess The Queen isn't returning to her thrown, *sad face*. I wish you the best Queen Bea and miss your blog.

    Signed, one of your loyal subjects.

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  67. Take care! Thnaks for share your thoughts. Keep it up.

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  68. just found your blog today..hope you come back soon...

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  69. I am a very recent and perhaps unusual fan of your blog (I'm in my early 20s), but I hope you come back soon and take care for the holiday season.

    You've got to ignore the nay-sayers -- everyone grieves in their own way and only you know what kind of bond you had with your grandmother. I didn't like my grandfather at all, but when he died it had a pronounced effect on me -- it was actually around this time four years ago -- to the point where I had to take off from school for several semesters and got a job, etc. No one really knows but you.

    Anyway -- I hope your holidays are bright and merry.

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  72. Happy New Year Queen Bea!!!!

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  74. Just found your blog and am so sorry for your loss . . . my thoughts are with you!

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  75. patty fatty fingers is back

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  79. Yayyyy! The Queen is back!

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If your forbidden love is home shopping and you love all the latest dirt, then come on in ... Queen Bea is holding court!

You can also email me at homeshoppingqueen@gmail.com

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